So glad for you to have properly functioning bowels. You’re among the lucky ones and should just be grateful and shut the fuck up

Your dad looked ridiculous Vinnie did him a favor

Can I come visit and mow your lawn? Are you on Hokkaido?

“Ahh no see, you wanted entomology man, which coincidentally means study of bugs”

What’s his issue? Give him something tangential.

Big drinker? Cheapest bottle opener or a nip of his favorite sauce.

Angry asshole? Get him a therapy ball.

The biggest thing my condescending asshole stepdad taught me was “Kill them with kindness”. If you’re kind in a backhanded way, it’ll piss them off and you can feign innocence.

Personally I’d give him a box of dogshit