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Cake day: March 30th, 2024

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  • Here’s few of my goofy items over the years.

    Lantern of in-sight: causes any object or entity you’re aware of and can keep a direct line of sight on to glow as bright as a non magical lantern. The lantern itself does not produce light. Had a player use it to highlight someone hiding in a crowd when the party failed to see them.

    Jewel of Becoming: when activated the player became a gemstone for 1d6 hours. The rogue ended up exploiting this heavily by becoming a jewel and either having another player sell her or just being in the path of someone. Once she turned back she’d rob them blind and sneak out back to the party.

    Immovable ladder: it was a rope ladder but the rungs in the middle and either end were immovable rods. This one the artificer cobbled together in game and I allowed for it. They spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to use it for more than a reliable way down from a second floor but never did manage anything wild. They couldn’t even really use it to go up because someone would still and go climb up there to set the top rod.

    Maxwell’s Morning Tonic: a bitter, dark, and slightly oily potion that when drank, counts as a short rest or turns a short rest into a long rest. It also gives you a -1d6 to hit and sleight of hand. It’s just a strong coffee.












  • The roads in my city are as far from flat as you can get. The potholes aren’t bad but the roads are build to slope into the gutters and the gutters occasionally cut through the streets like reverse speed bumps, the train tracks are like crossing wagon ruts.

    So if I see you rolling around in some luxury sports car with a 3in clearance, I’m going to assume you’re too fucking stupid to deserve that much money.


  • I heard a lot of complaints about the twins in borderlands 3.They’re shallow, they’re obnoxious, they remind you of wanna be tiktok influencers, on and on.

    That’s not a bug, that’s a feature. Guys, Handsome Jack was bottled lightning. He was a masterpiece of good writing, good design, well placed improv, and just plain dumb luck. They were never going to pull that off again. You’d need to open a real vault to find that level of treasure.

    The Calypso’s are exactly what they say on the tin. They’re all those obnoxious, unfunny things I mentioned because sometimes villains aren’t well thought out, complex characters. I fucking love shooting Troy in his smug hot topic weeb face. I don’t need to consider the complexity of a man driven to an extreme or the show erosion of one’s moral character in pursuit of power, they were two shitty kids on an ego trip with no regard for the damage they did. It is plain, and simple, and easy.

    Are there problems with the rest if the story? Absolutely. Are there some awful plot-holes? Oh my fuck, yes. But are the Calypsos the thing that ruined the game? Fuck no, they’re fine and perfectly shootable as a bad-guy needs to be.






  • I have a billiard break cue, it’s hollow steel pipe with brass and galvanized fittings to screw it together. Based off the material, original colors, and general look it’s probably from the early 70’s.

    Without fail, if a drunk person finds out it’s hollow they get super weird about it. They hand it back like it’s a writhing appendage, avoid using it when offered, even had a guy drop it like it was gonna bite him. Either way, I play better with it than I ever did before, and I gave it a gorgeous glossy crimson repaint.