I’ve heard this before, but haven’t found it the case personally. I started work in manual jobs and messing around with computers was my evening hobby. Many years later, I now do IT as a job (partly from gaining skills from that hobby) but also have continued it as my primary thing to do when I’m not working. I was worried when I changed into this career that my hobby would become too much like work to be enjoyable, but I’ve not found that.
Is this the same for other people, or am I unusual in doing something in my off hours that’s so close to my career? I’m genuinely curious to know if others have found the same or whether they found another hobby.
Sometimes it’s not the fact that you make your passion your job, that kills the spark. It can be a series of very unfortunate events happening in quick succession that dims what makes life so much fun.
For me it was a culmination of changes at my job that saddled me with too much work and the fact that several people in my personal life went through big crises all within the same period of time.
I worked close to a 100 hours a week with barely any breaks. No downtime, no weekends. No vacations. What little time I did have was spent being a therapist or mediator for people in my life who were very unhappy.
I was given promises at work that kept my spirits up, but when it was time for them to be kept, I was let down. Not only that, within the same week we lost all our clients due to budget cuts because inflation kicked everybody’s asses.
And then I snapped. I’m lucky I have an amazing and caring boyfriend because that shit could have developed into a serious mental health crisis. It had just been a full year of trying to stay positive and being let down over and over and over and over while everybody I cared about were suffering.
Things kept being fucked for another year, but it felt less extreme because the workload was more normal by then, but also because we made a lot of good changes at home. We moved into a place that was better for us. That helped a lot.
I’m still not doing my passions at home despite having set up an entire room for it. I know it will come back at some point. When I’m ready. I try to treat my creativity like it’s a wild animal. You have to let it come to you and you can’t chase it.
I think I will be like you again sometime soon. I used to be until 2024, when it all happened. I have also gone through much worse crises before this one where my passion went away for a while. This too shall pass, as they say.
That sounds pretty grim and I’m sorry it happened to you. Having to be strong for other people is damned tiring.
I’m no psychologist, but that sounds a lot like depression and if so, would explain why there’s little passion to be found at such a time. Certainly when I’ve had periods of clinical depression, life was pretty damned bleak for a while. As you say, you can’t chase happiness or force it to happen. Anti depressants helped me, but I found that they certainly didn’t encourage passion or enjoyment in anything as they takes away the highs as well as the lows.
Sounds like you’ve got a good partner and that’s half the battle. I hope things improve for you soon.
Thank you for your kind words, my friend 🤗
You’re definitely right that I was depressed at some point. There are months of 2024 that I don’t have any recollection of. Those months scared my boyfriend more than after I snapped and I was full of negative emotions. At least by then, I was present and feeling things. During the blackout months I just sat in the same corner and stared into space when I didn’t work or sleep. Almost like I was a tool that was left in a corner when it wasn’t being used.
I’m very lucky I have my boyfriend. You’re completely correct that he’s a good partner. He is fantastic and one of the best human beings I have ever known.
I do think I’m better nowadays. We moved to a bigger and better place recently and it’s so nice to finally have a home and not just be in some temporary location while life tosses you around. I think that within the next year or so, I’ll be back to myself and be more creative again. It’s already happening a little bit even though I still don’t have any energy to enjoy my passion. I feel inspired and that’s a massive step compared to where I was only a few months ago.
I’m also sorry to hear that you have struggled with depression, my friend. And a bad case by the sounds of it. And your description of anti depressants is very relatable. I was on some of those way back in my youth when I was struggling way more than I am now, so I know how much they can just iron you out for better and for worse. I hope you have good people in your life too, who have your back. I’m also genuinely happy to read about how passionate you are about your job/hobby. That’s the kind of life I wish every person was blessed enough to get to experience, because man, when things are good, it’s just the most enjoyable and fulfilling way to live. ❤️ I wish you nothing but the best!