When I was younger, I always heard that “true gentleman” value and don’t fear commitment. I also heard a lot of girls I used to be friends with complain about how their ex-boyfriends didn’t like commitment and how they shouldn’t have dated in the first place then. Now that I’ve gone out into the dating world, I can confirm several of my breakups were caused by the person fearing commitment.
Some were just the person was an asshole, some were that they lost feelings mid-relationship, and if it wasn’t either two, they were just plain afraid of commitment. But what makes people afraid to commit? What are some of the reasons anyway, or your reasons if you fear or feared commitment?
My ex “C” said our relationship wasn’t “real” and didn’t mean anything, and that she liked me but wasn’t looking for a long-term commitment. She also essentially wanted to be FWB (friends with benefits) but later said she didn’t want to and we were just friends and that we never actually had a relationship.
Because it’s often real fucking scary? My every past (often futile and misguided) attempt at forming a (stricly monogamous cishet) relationship ended for one reason (me) or another (the other half). I have been hurt by myself and others, by my own feelings or the other’s or the lack thereof from either. Now I live together with an incredible woman who gets me and I get her and our future’s have so far seem well aligned and stuff and I never have to fear to be judged or ridiculed by her unlike previously and I know she trusts me (and I trust her when she says so) as well. And yet still I find myself fearing: what if she’ll just stop loving me because of xyz? Because everyone else has left so far (sure I might have personally driven away a few because of my fears and insecurities, and maladaptations or other toxicities, but I’ve grown from those times emotionally). It’s real scary to open your shell and be at your most vunerable, but it is also required. Not everyone can be expected at any point to be able to do it like that.
That’s my two cents.