I’m starting to think that my life is over and I don’t want to live anymore. As of writing this I am a 23 year old woman with no qualifications or education. I have learning disabilities and my IQ is just 76. I struggle with things like talking, maths and spelling and I can’t find a job.
When I was a kid I knew I was different. Things that were easy for the other kids to do took me ages to learn. Kids used to make fun of me because of the way I talked and in general I could fit in. As I got older my learning disabilities become more noticeable. I was diagnosed with ADHD and low intelligence and therefore struggled academically but my dad refused to put me in a special education program because he thought it would be an embarrassment. School was very hard for me. I would work my ass off just to get C’s and B’s and my father was very abusive. He would expect me to do well in school and if I didn’t he would beat and punish me. I had to repeat the 7th and 9th grade but I eventually graduated but very poor grades and no qualifications. When I was around 15-18 started to do drugs like weed and alcohol just to cope.
I left my parents house when I was 19 and went to live with a friend. I have very little money as I’m addicted to drugs and my lack of education makes getting a job practically impossible. I don’t see my life going anywhere and when I’m not on drugs I’m miserable. My brothers and sisters have done so much better then me and it makes me so jealous, angry and ashamed. I know this may sound cringe but I honestly can’t do this anymore.
EDIT: I now have a job at Burger King as a cook. It’s not glamorous but it’s some money.
There is very much hope for you. I used to be addicted to drugs/opiates for 15 years, I’m sober almost 3 years now.
You’ve got challenges, and you can overcome these things, but you have to try to get clean, no matter what. You have to be clean to do the things you need to do.
Ever try being clever? Pay attention to things, and try to predict possible future outcomes. Be observant, and try to be aware of all your immediate surroundings.
Congrats on the almost-3-years! Been there and it’s good to keep celebrating the achievements imho :) I have a mini celebration each year to reflect on all that’s happened since I stopped doing drugs and it’s only for the better, even though the craving never fully goes away for me.