I have some exes that I wanted to and could be friends with (one I was for several years). But it just doesn’t fly with a new domestic partnership. I can tell my current girlfriend that I’m going to see female friends, but going out with friends who I’ve previously had sexual relations with is stretching it. I wouldn’t want my girlfriend to do that and so I won’t do it to her.

It makes me a bit sad, but I have effectively ended those friendships by no longer agreeing to seeing them.

I also have exes that I wouldn’t wish on my biggest enemy and I avoid them like the plague.

I was friends with some of my exs but after I graduated high school, all of my friends went their separate ways. I haven’t talked to any of them in over 9 years.

Depends.

Some I cultivated afterwards - gave some space, and later pitched a “I don’t want to get back together but I miss hanging out. Lemme buy coffee” to usually good effect. If you’re compatible as friends still, it could be a very strong friendship. But you broke up for a reason, so keep that in mind.

But sometimes you’re really incompatible and a simple friendship isn’t even healthy for you two. That’s okay too.

I wasn’t gonna comment but for sake of diversity I feel you deserve at least one good one. I’m actually quite close with one of my exes from 13 years ago. We dated when I was graduating highschool he broke up with me (very respectfully. He basically just told me I deserved someone who liked me as much as I like them, and he was right).

Anyway, he and I didn’t really hang out much or talk much for a while but we were in the same community and would see each other at metal shows all the time and weren’t unfriendly but would just kind of live our own lives. Once my ego healed a bit from being dumped we did hook up a couple times. Then some time passed and I met my partner of now over a decade. Anyway, me and the ex still chat, he’s met my partner and they get along very well. My ex is a genuinely kind and funny guy and I would be a reference for him any day and I consider him more my friend than my ex at this point.

I really do think time apart is important because they need to become not a constant fixture in your life before you can repair the relationship to “friend” level.

No, I’ve tried a few times. It hasn’t worked out.
I would love to be but… Too many conflicting emotions.

ex of mine and I are, dated a bunch in college and broke up amicably. she gave a toast at my wedding lol

not really anymore, but only for usually drifting apart from old friends reasons. it is hard (for me) to maintain friendships when the other party lives thousands of kilometers away, and everyone is too poor and busy to travel.

I like to say “relationships don’t end, they change.” I’m friendly with a lot of my exes for the same reasons I was into them in the first place.

For others, the relationship changed into the kind without speaking or acknowledgement. Still pretty sure we’d be civil, if not friendly, if we got stuck in the same elevator. Probably because we all have abandonment issues and Machiavellian tendencies.

Some yes, some no. For those I do stay friends with, I still take a break and go low/no contact with them for a while before resuming friendship. I need it to draw a line, so to speak, between the old relationship and friendship.

I’ve also had guys want to “remain friends” while they really meant hookup buddy. A break helps suss out those who are disingenuous with their stated intentions.

You both need a time off, stop or make interactions really “rational and controlled”. It takes time to shift to different dynamic between you two.

Once you both (or at least one of you) get new partners, things will be more promising for a genuine friendship.

Otherwise, lingering feelings or “emotionally weak” days seriously risk ruining the relationship and make things permanently awkward.

source: my own experience. I am best friends with my ex. And lived the process myself.

No, but I wouldn’t be opposed with any of them but one. That one can go fuck herself.

They generally become acquaintances. There’s no hostility, but also way less of a reason to catch up and hang out.

Yes but we’re not « good » friends. We saw each other occasionally at best

In your situation I’ll say give it 2-4 years before becoming friend with your ex

I’m not, but a friend is. With a couple, actually. He’d inevitably wind up sleeping with them now and again, and at this point one has just become a fuck buddy with no real relationship attached. But really, it’s your own dynamics that matter here, and that’s between you and that person. So how anything winds up going, well, the one’s most qualified to make best guesses are you and them.

It’s actually my entire friend group rn lol. One of my exes from high school has been my best friend for 10 years. I made up with my ex I dated during college after a super messy break-up and now we hang out and watch anime together. Recently, I had a very short term long distance fling with a guy I met on here, and we still chat about gaming and politics and shit on Discord multiple times a week.

I’ve definitely had messy and bad relationships that were just unsalvageable, but I really don’t like throwing people away after I’ve shared a bunch of my life with them. The only weird part is how many of my friends have seen me naked.